A TRANSLATION CHALLENGE I SET MYSELF (6,000 WORDS BLOG)
Foreword: not too long before I went ahead and posted this, I posted another blog which was a prelude to this one. This previous one is the one in which I show the world my invented French and German equivalents of some examples of illiterate English. I say this because you will need to refer to it to understand some of the content of this blog.
Anyway, I recently decided to set myself a new kind of translation challenge. The way I see it, it’s all too easy to translate concepts of simple if mostly just plain “things” and “events” that happen in the everyday life of the individual – things that you have just become used to seeing, especially when active expectation of it has been allowed to develop. That’s not to say that they are never ever of some kind of genuine importance to at least someone in their life, but being too eager to reflect on, let alone discuss, such things can suggest a parochial mentality. But, as you will see below, it’s something else to have a go at translating something which you genuinely believe is only really for a demographic to which you don’t belong.
Now, as everyone knows, popular and renowned works of literature and other written works of art have always been translated into other languages. Translating Shakespeare sure sounds challenging. As an example, just have a look at the “to be or not to be” soliloquy and see for yourself how many words there are which you just wouldn’t find in modern English, and how many euphuistic but odd-sounding expressions there are which will likely quickly leave you hopelessly confused when you read them for the first time (at the very least). All these literary devices like imagery and juxtaposition and stuff like that, set in the Elizabethan period and the culture characterising it… it frequently goes over the heads of many in the modern day, wouldn’t you say? Even though I read a few works by Shakespeare at school, I could hold very little conversation about him and his legacy in the modern day.
I guess I’m not fit to be trusted with the translation of great classics of history just yet. But that doesn’t mean I won’t attempt to translate modern works of written art which enjoy more than just slight recognition – depending on what you’re translating, it would seem that this can be almost as challenging as translating Shakespeare sometimes. I mean, whatever you have to say about the obstacles to translating Shakespeare coherently / “well”, just how much easier is it to translate, at the other end of the spectrum, some of the worst ever (often semi-literate and highly colloquial, not to mention vulgar) lyrics in modern hip-hop music? How many people can honestly say that they have ever done honest and non-opportunistic translations of this? Especially when they rhyme – and I have written rhyming translations of lyrics in my business blogs before. It is something I was happy to have a go at, and I tried to be loyal to the original while keeping it coherent, as hard as that could be.
http://www.westword.com/music/the-50-worst-rap-lyrics-the-complete-list-5713165 Refer to this link to see what the original English versions are (and prepare both to be amused and left cringing).
50
French: “Je suis chaud ‘ce que je suis volant. Tu n’ôt ‘ce que tu n’es pas.”
German: “Ich bin heiss weil ich fliegend bin. Du sikt weil du es nicht bist.”
Notes: “Parce que” in the French version abbreviated. “Fly” used as an adjective was translated as “flying”, to avert confusion. And I invented French and German equivalents of “ain’t”: “ôt” and “sikt” respectively. I actually had invented the French equivalent long before I started writing this blog, but not the German one; I decided that the German one had to be a semi-literate mix of “sein” and “nicht” for the right kind of effect (even though I understand that “ain’t” can represent the verb “to have” as well as “to be” in English).
49
French: “Je n’aime pas qu’ils soient giggité gros, j’aime qu’ils soient empiggité empilés / t’es niggité niggité naze si tu n’ôt pas de chaud cul ciggité.”
German: “Ich mag’ sie nicht diggity dick, ich mag’ sie schiggity schichtet / du bis’ miggity miggity Müll wenn du giggity heisses Gesäß sik-t.”
Notes: “Stacked” is reference to money i.e. lots of notes piled up. Also, regarding the bit, “I don’t like ‘em figgity fat,” I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s women he’s alluding to, in which case the corresponding bit in the French version should be rewritten, “Je n’aime pas qu’elles soient giggité grosses”. Indeed, if you’ve “got back” then it means you’ve got a nice arse, judging by what I have read on Urban Dictionary. I believe I have done a reasonable job implying that in these translations of these lyrics. Meanwhile, “wack” is an adjective which means the opposite of “cool” in English, and although I could think of “naze” as a fitting French translation of that, that wasn’t the case with the German version; but I didn’t want to translate “you suck” literally in German so I just used the German word for “rubbish” like it were an adjective. Of course, “ôt” and “sikt” have the same meaning as they do with the one above, but “sik-t” is supposed to be pronounced as two syllables rather than one – for I kept some sort of rhyme in these foreign language versions just like in the original (talking of which, the last word in the French version, “ciggité”, is supposed to be pronounced “si-GEE-tay”). Not bad, huh?
48
French: “Et ma bite va profond encore, si profond encore / si profond et elle s’endort.”
German: “Und meiner Schwanz geht tief hinein, so tief hinein / so tief hinein und sie schläft ein.”
Notes: Don’t take “her ass” at face value here – ultimately the artist is just talking about this woman rather than her rear end in particular. It’s just butchered language which I can only imagine is supposed to be taken as cool, not least for its irreverent element.
47
French: “J’emmerde Pusha T et tous ce qui lui fêtent / sa tête dans le cul, je dois lui donner un coup de tête.”
German “Fick Pusha T und alle die Liebe für ihn schallen / er hat sein Kopf im Arsch, ich muss ihm mit meinem Kopf prallen.”
Notes: I changed a few words without forfeiting the feel of the original. In the French version, “tout ce qui lui fêtent” translates literally as “all who celebrate him.” Meanwhile, in the German version, I think “resounding / echoing love for someone” is passable, and “prallen” means “collide” (in this case, “with my head”).
46
Notes: Apart from translating the word “rule”, nothing else matters for this entry. The Spanish words are just not supposed to be translated.
45
French: “Il est un peu difficile à concevoir, comme Kanye West revenant de son accident fatal pour refaire des beats et créer des spectacles de rap à voir.”
German: “Es ist etwas schwierig sich darum voranzustellen, genau wie als Kanye West aus seinem tödlichen Unfall zurückkam um Beats-Schaffen und Rapmusik fortzusetzen.”
Notes: The first entry which doesn’t sound like semi-literate verbal diarrhoea (if you will pardon “kinda”). This one only made it to the list because of the word “fatal” being used incorrectly. Oh well.
44
French: “Peut-être tu as plus de pognon que moi, mais tu n’ôt pas l’habileté à manger un nigga-fond comme moi.”
German: “Vielleicht zwischen dir und mir hast du mehr Gelder, aber es fehlt dir an meiner Fähigkeiten mit meinem Mund und einem Nigga-Ende.”
Notes: I won’t apologise for using the N-word here when it’s not in the context of a racist slur directed at a black person. Its dark origins aside, over time black people – certainly those who are part of hip-hop culture and certainly in America – would give it a new contrived meaning where it could essentially mean friend (in which case it often has the new ending -a rather than -er) – but only if they were another black person! In this way they keep the unfavourable history of black people as slaves at bay / banish it as far from them as possible (even though slavery is now illegal, of course), figuratively speaking. In my experience, they still don’t like it when anyone who’s not black calls them their “nigger” in the sense of friend. Anyway, Canibus definitely intended for these lyrics to be interpreted in the sense of getting the best of someone in competition rather than one of homosexual anilingus, so some inventiveness is required when searching for some – any – kind of translation of it in French or German. And the word “nigger” translated into French is still “nègre”, which pretty close to it; and it’s none other than “Nigger” in German. In this French version, I essentially meant to imply “eating a nigga’s substance” – a made-up expression which essentially amounts to defeating them, while the word “fond” still has a double entendre whereby it also hints at a person’s rear end. As for the German version: I included the word for “mouth” because, knowing modern hip-hop culture, this is a culture of rapping and verbal combat; and again, “Ende” is supposed to have a double entendre: a nigga’s “end” in the sense of their defeat, not just their rear end.
43
French: “Nageurs olympiques du Nigeria / Émeraudes dans mes oreilles, si loin d’être claire car elles ressemblent à la laitue congelée / 91 degrés et vrombant, est-ce que tu as jamais vu du jello au citron vert fondu ?”
German: “Olympische Schwimmer aus Nigeria / Smaragde in meinen Ohren, so weit von klar, denn sie gefrorenem Lattich ähneln / 91 Grad aus und brummend, hast du je geschmolzenes Limone-Jello gesehen?”
Notes: I didn’t need to make this rhyme when it doesn’t rhyme in the original either. It seems to be an entry with no slang with ostensibly elusive meaning, but it still makes no sense to me, and I imagine it’s the same with you.
42
French: “Cette nana savait comment souffler quelque chose comme elle jouait à la flûte.”
German: “Jenes Mädchen wusste wie sie etwas blasen sollte als ob sie Flöte spielte.”
Notes: Well, everyone knows that a flute is a wind instrument and I can’t be the only person who considers these lyrics just plain idiotic. They will only appeal to young men with a very crude sense of humour and most likely a low IQ, for “how to blow something” merely hints at the concept of oral sex. In German, “blasen” can mean to do a blow job, not just blow in any other “general” sense.
41
French: “Je deviens solide comme une putain d’érection.”
German: “Ich werde hart wie eine mutterfickende Erektion.”
Notes: The Germans may say “Mutterficker” as a direct translation of “motherfucker”, but I decided against a literal translation of “motherfucking boner” in French i.e. “érection mère-baisante”. That just doesn’t work for me, whereas “putain de” actually is a properly established expression in vulgar French (and don’t ask me how I know that).
40
French: “Oui, j’ai quelques derniers mots : j’emmerde tous vous salauds / N’écrivez plus de raps, allez jouer au volleyball.”
German: “Ja, ich habe einige letzte Wörter: fick euch all’ / Schreibt keine Rapps mehr, spielt Volleyball.”
Notes: Nothing worth writing – whatever ideas the author of this would like us to buy into, this has no objective value, and me talking about it is as pointless as the author doing so.
39
French: “Tu es un enfant de destinée / Tu es l’enfant de ma destinée / Tu es mon enfant avec l’enfant de Destiny’s Child.”
German: “Du bist ein Kind von Schicksal / Du bist das Kind meines Schicksals / Du bist mein Kind mit dem Kind von Destiny’s Child.”
Notes: Whatever. I know Jay-Z is married to Beyonce, but this is not the place for me to be responding to what the author of the article wrote in it. I don’t want to put words in his mouth that he didn’t say.
38
French: “Un éléphant n’oublie rien, donc ma bite se rappelle de tout.”
German: “Einer Elefant vergisst niemals, also meiner Schwanz erinnert sich an alles.”
Notes: What is this if nothing but a claim by the author as to how big his penis is – not to be taken at face value, of course – which doesn’t even make sense? Crude and forgettable – but I continue this exercise all the same.
37
French: “L’amour est malin. En verlan – je vous le monte.”
German: “Liebe ist übel. Rückwärts und zentraler Buchstabe los – ich zeige es dir mal.”
Notes: This one made me consider giving up this exercise even more than the last. Then I decided to make up equivalents, the results of which are not too far off the mark, if you understand what I mean. You just have to pronounce it a little bit differently, in a specific way. That said, butchered language such as that found in crap rap lyrics like these is likely to encourage people to pronounce words differently – why should this be any different? Look up what verlan is in French and adapt your pronunciation of “l’in-ma” to make it sound closer to “l’amour”; while for the German one I called for the German word for “love” to be written in reverse with the removal of the middle letter, again with adjusted pronunciation.
36
French: “Faire éclater cette chatte comme un bouton.”
German: “Jene Muschi knallen wie einer Pickel.”
Notes: Please, don’t go… whatever you have to say about the content of these lyrics, this is exactly the kind of thing I was prepared to deal with, the kind of thing I wanted to challenge myself to translate, when I decided to write this article. Literal translation is of course out of the question in a case like this, but it’s not enough to say that. Sometimes it’s a just matter of being able to justify your choice of an individual word in the foreign version in place of another individual word in the English version – the meanings of “knallen” include “pop”, “slam” and “explode”; not that I usually translate this sort of thing for a living, of course.
35
French: “Pute jolie et petite, mais dégoulinant comme de l’eau / je suis sur cette paille dans la poursuite de cette basse-basse, yo.”
German: “Hübsche, kleine Hündin, aber tropfend wie Wasser / ich bin auf jedem Stroh, jedes Nieder-Nieder umfassend.”
Notes: If you’re thinking, “Who the hell writes this stuff!?”, I understand. I felt exactly like this at the time of writing. Forgive me… here, “dripping” is supposed to imply reference to a woman when she is sexually aroused i.e. the standard consequence of it in her genital region. In the German version, “umfassen” can mean to embrace, and, as such, “umfassend” is supposed to be understood as “embracing” here. But fancy referring to a vagina as a “low, low.” Like I said, who the hell writes this stuff!? And we’re not even half way there…
34
French: “Mange cette soupe de wanton j’ai la pognon comme chang, chang, chang / Chiennes me sucent la bite puisque je décharge [comme] de 36 façons.”
German: “Jene Wanton-Suppe essen ich habe die Kasse wie Chang, Chang, Chang / Hündinnen saugen mir den Schwanz weil ich auf wie 36 Arten ausspritze.”
Notes: More nonsensical and crude ribald ramblings that sound like they came from someone with no interest in accounting for their imagination – not that I exactly sincerely care for doing that either. Sorry about that. (What am I saying?)
33
French: “Oh, tu es membre de Wu-Tang ? Pourquoi ton visage a-t-il l’air spectre alors ?”
German: “Ach, du bist Wu-Tang-Mitglied? Dann warum ist dein Gesicht gespenstlich?”
Notes: You know, I recently wrote a blog in which I talked about assigning context to stuff. Maybe, just maybe, the author of this never envisaged anyone outside of a certain group of people assigning context to something like this… and I know I don’t belong to that certain group of people. And that doesn’t bother me at all.
32
French: “Aucun soufflement trop forcé / La vie est des cartes en leur paquet.”
German: “Keine Blasen zu harte / Das Leben ist ein Deck Karten.”
Notes: If you think that he should have said “house of cards”, then you’re not the only one; even if, in the context of this blog, I dismiss that. I don’t know what else to say for this one.
31
French: “Groupes de ceux qui me dénigrent silencés. Mes mots les violent – confirmé. Et où est Papa pour les sauver ? Seul une envie fatale aura un effet. En le monde de musique, quand il s’agit d’ascendre, le ciel est la seule limite à comprendre – je dois seulement rester consistent avec mes yeux comme truc-instrument.”
German: “Volle Gruppen Hasser lernen bloss: es passt nicht. Durch meinen Wörtern werden sie wirklich vergewaltigt. Vati wird ihnen helfen? Keine hilfsvolle Ansicht. Meiner Drang muss scharf und sicher verdammt dicht. In der Musikwelt bin ich zum Aufsteig gedrängt, nur vom Himmel beschränkt, so noch nach Konsistenz und mit Augen als Gag-Instrument.”
Notes: I must admit that I read the author of the article’s response to these lyrics before I even started compiling my own French and German translations of them – something I haven’t done for all the ones preceding this one – and I guess he had a point when he said that “We’re not even sure he knows what most of these words mean.”
30
French: “Flambe si intensément. Cette merde cinglée, n’ôt-elle pas, Jay ? Qu’est-ce qu’elle a ordonné, poisson filet ?”
German: “Flamme so intensiv. Verrückte Scheisse, eh, so, so, Jay? Was hat sie bestellt, Fischfilet?”
Notes: In the original, I have reasoned that “ball” is in the sense of the slang verb: if you’re “balling” then that means you are doing well in life, and earning respect among your peers for it. There’s no straight translation for that that I can think of in either French or German, so I went with what I considered to be a close-sounding equivalent, translating the verb “to blaze” (“so intensely”) instead. I have also reasoned that “cray” is just an artificial abbreviation of “crazy”, and that there’s every chance that it was created just for the sake of the rhyming “ay” sound in this lyric alone. The author must be talking about some aspect of Jay-Z’s life I’m clearly not familiar with, but like that information is really important to me. Let’s move on.
29
French: “Fanfaron plus serré qu’une levure-infection / Volez, aller fort, comme oie-erection.”
German: “Stolzieren fester als ‘ne Hefe-Infektion / Fliegen, hart gehen, wie ‘ne Gans-Erektion.”
Notes: Yes, I know geese are not mammals and therefore don’t get erections like male mammals do. Other than that, there’s just no articulate discussion for this one. That said, I really must avoid developing a habit of trying to make sense out of nonsense… so should you.
28
French: “Va contre moi maintenant – c’est un défi pour certes. #Bambi.”
German: “Komm gegen mir jetzt – hier-‘st-‘ne Mutprobe. #Bambi.”
Notes: As I continue looking for farfetched solutions: for the French version, try to re-pronounce “certes” “kind of like” “cerf”; for the German one, try to re-pronounce “hier-‘st-‘ne Mutprobe” “kind of like” “hirsch’ne Mutprobe” – this is an expression I made up which is supposed to translate (however clumsily) as something like “deer’s dare”.
27
French: “De la peur évidente / Vous êtes des putains d’homos, je le sens / Grandissez une putain de barbe à entendre / Je devrais être ici, aucune gourance.”
German: “Ich sehe Angst / Ihr seid einige fickende Schwuler, Fakt / Züchtet eine fickende Barbe, intakt / Ich soll hier sein, dies ist meiner Akt.”
Notes: I felt the need to add a few words to maintain the rhyme. This French version actually translates as, “Evident fear / You are some fucking homos, I sense it / Grow a fucking beard (that one can recognise) / I should be here, no mistake.” And the German version actually translates as, “I see fear / You are some fucking queers, fact / Grow a fucking beard, intact / I should be here, this is my act [“this is my moment”].”
26
French: “Moi, pas travailleur ? Mais, oui, absolument. Concevez une image de cela avec un Kodak / et, encore meilleur, va à Times Square, prends une photo de moi avec un Kodak.”
German: “Mich, nicht fleißig? Ja, absolut sicher. Stelle dir das mit einem Kodak dar / und, noch besser, gehe auf Times Square, nimm ein Bild von mir mit einem Kodak.”
Notes: A relatively easy one (not least because of the two lines ending in Kodak); but I hoped I captured the sarcasm of “Yeah, right” in the choices of words I used in the translations of it.
25
French: “En movement en le Grand Prix, la même couleur que le tonnerre.”
German: “Im Grand Prix bewegend, die selbe Farbe wie Donner.”
Notes: To be honest, I’m at a loss to relate these two statements – no surprise, right? I can’t make any sense of it – even when I consider the notion of a contrived attempt at creating context – and I’m moving on.
24
French: “Ai flux de diarrhée, maintenant je chie sur niggas / Même quand je suis constipé encore je chie sur niggas.”
German: “Habe Durchfallfluss, jetzt scheisse ich auf Niggas / Selbst wenn ich verstopft bin noch scheisse ich auf Niggas.”
Notes: Say what you like about the history of hip-hop, but when hip-hop artists will happily dismiss the realm of what makes sense for the sake of any cheap attempt to sound edgy / “hard” / “cool” purely to gain attention for themselves, they don’t do it any favours. Of course, there’s no reason to take lyrics like this literally – not even in a context of suspension of disbelief.
23
French: “Mon paragraphe seule vaut cinq microphones / Un Longue Durée de douze chansons, c’est 36 microphones.”
German: “Meiner Absatz allein ist fünf Mikrofone wert / Ein Langspiel mit zwölf Liedern, das macht 36 Mikrofone.”
Notes: In the original, “mic” is short for “microphone”, while “LP” stands for “Long Play” (which I admit I had to look up). Other than that, I just don’t get it, and not just because of the terrible maths.
22
French: “Je chie en vert comme les trous de cul de végétariens.”
German: “Ich scheisse in grün wie Arschlöcher von Vegetariern.”
Notes: Yet another nonsensical and bizarre concept in rap music which the author couldn’t explain if they tried, and which was probably best never expressed. The swear words may make it “offensive”, but only in a crude, idiotic and nonsensical way which triggers embarrassment (if not completely without wry amusement) among educated people like me more than anything else.
21
French: “Rock star : je suis plus volant qu’un autruche.”
German: Rockstar: ich bin fliegender als einer Strauß.”
Notes: Here we go again with the word “fly” used as an adjective in a way that’s supposed to sound – I apologise – hip, with genuine cultural value in any shape or form less of a concern. Of course ostriches don’t fly. Come to think of it, that fact, if the author really is as “fly” as he claims to be – if you will allow for distorted language and distorted meaning of language – actually makes the statement true, if probably not in the way he expected. The human imagination certainly is very fertile – and I trust my customers appreciate how fertile mine can be, as is exemplified here. By the way, I thought this guy was a rapper, not a rock star…?
20
French: “Ne me laisse jamais glisser, puisque si je glisse, donc cela veut dire que je glisse.”
German: “Lasse mich nie rutschen – wenn ich nun rutsche, dann rutsche ich.”
Notes: Maybe I am starting to forget words, but I had to look up “to slip” in French and German, and got expressions I would normally use for “to slide”. Here’s how I see it: slipping (up) is very different from sliding (along), although the latter can still appear clumsy, I guess.
19
French: “Elle connaît ma bite / elle appelle ce nigga Richard / Avant mon éjaculation / J’ai dû insérer ma pouce en / Son cul une fois plus / Renifle mon doigt, te faire vomir.”
German: “Sie weiss meinen Schwanz / Sie heiss jenen Nigga Richard / Vor meinem Ausspritzen / musste ich den Daumen in ihren / Arsch einmal mehr / Meinen Finger riechen, lass dir erbrechen.”
Notes: OK, so let’s recap: this is a case of someone who has written a lyric in which a made-up woman with whom he has had one or more fictional sexual encounters has given a name to his penis; and he acts like he’s proud of this (and he has made money from it) – brilliant. You know, maybe the author of this article is right: maybe there was a Richard Pryor joke intended; but if that were true, I can imagine people thinking of it as an overly subtle and farfetched one – and certainly not one which would have a place in French or German culture. That’s why I haven’t translated this Richard Pryor joke, if it were existent. I hate to disappoint but I don’t think I could.
18
French: “First Family va peu à peu élever ce cul comme la gravité / Et transformer ton cadre physique en cavité.”
German: “First Family wird jenen Arsch allmählich erheben wie Gravitation / Und den Rahmen deines Körpers in eine Höhlung.”
Notes: They may not have quite as much rhyme as the original, but given that both words in “First Family” start with capitals, this has got to be the name of some collective – most likely one with which the author of this lyric is affiliated – and I decided to leave this proper noun the way it was, without translating it (even though, in French, “London” is “Londres” and “Warsaw” is “Varsovie”, for example). Besides, these two words can easily be translated with a machine translation tool, you know? When reading the German version, try to modify your pronunciation of it in an artificial way (because it’s “cool”; y’know, cuz homies sumtimz shun proppa English and proppa ‘nunciation, yo!); you should be able to learn how to pronounce the last syllables of “Gravitation” and “Höhlung” such that they are almost the same easily enough. By the way, I know gravity does the opposite of lift things up, but apparently this is what you get when you look for the worst rap lyrics ever, and all I’m doing here is translating some of those – something which I genuinely believe no-one else has ever done – for business purposes (probably against my better judgement, admittedly, but whatever).
17
French: “Je les aime quand ils sont noirs, blancs, portoricains ou haïtiens / Tout comme japonais, chinois ou même asiens.”
German: “Ich mag sie wenn sie sind schwarz, weiss, puertorikanisch oder haitianisch / Genauso wie japanisch, chinesisch oder noch asiatisch.”
Notes: I may have compromised on proper grammar in the translations just a bit, but then look at the nature of the original material. Along with one or two made-up words, like “asien” instead of “asiatique”. By the way, although I never watched the clip for this video, he’s probably talking about women, in which case all the adjectives in the French version should be rewritten so that they are feminised.
16
French: “Presque noyé en sa chatte, donc j’ai nagé jusqu’à son bout.”
German: “Fast in ihrer Muschi ertrunken, also bin ich bis zu ihren Hintern geschwommen.”
Notes: One word: What!? I’m sorry but I would not want to have a mind like whoever wrote this – even if it weren’t for public consumption.
15
French: “.38 tourner comme le soleil autour de la Terre.”
German: “.38 drehend wie die Sonne um die Erde.”
Notes: Another factual inaccuracy – in truth, the Earth revolves around the sun, of course it does. But I just have to let it slide – it should take more than a bit of easy-to-explain idiocy like this to make a professional translator give up in their work…
14
French: “Inoubliable, insoumissable / Maintenant je m’identifie comme N, seule une syllabe.”
German: “Unvergesslich, nicht übertragbar zwischen / Jetzt nenne ich mich als N, nur eine Silbe.”
Notes: In the German version, there was an added word: “zwischen” on the end means that it is essentially supposed to signify “not submittable between people” (if “submittable” was an actual word).
13
Notes: I’m sorry, but this is one even I’m not going to have a go at translating. I’m just too hopelessly confused, but far from ashamed of that. (Nagging thought in my head: “Why am I still doing this exercise? Is it even worth it?”)
12
French: “32 grammes brut, éplucher-le en demi, avoir 16. / Doubler-le par 3, nous avons 48, qui veut dire de la crème balèze. / Diviser le gain par quatre, réduction d’huit, nous sommes revenus à seize…”
German: “32 Gramm brutto, in Hälfte gehackt, 16 bekommen. / Verdoppeln es mit 3, wir haben 48, das heisst viel Sahne gewonnen. / Den Gewinn teilen durch vier, acht abnehmen, wir sind wieder auf sechzehn gekommen…”
Notes: My role is not to criticise as much as it is to translate… with continued innovation. Do you know the word “balèze” in French? This is the hopefully passable expression I decided to use as something that would rhyme with “seize”.
11
French: “Je suis ton pire cauchemar quadrillé / Cela c’est deux fois pour vous niggas qui n’êtes pas mathématiquement informés.”
German: “Ich bin eurer schlimmste Albtraum kariert / Dass heisst zweimal für jede von euch Niggas nicht mathematisch informiert.”
Notes: Yes, I know as well as any half-educated person that a number squared is not the same as the same number doubled (unless, it’s two, technically speaking). It takes a certain kind of patience, creativity and humour to insist on translating this sort of thing, doesn’t it?
10
This is another one I’m actually not going to bother translating – sorry to disappoint. The first line is easy enough to understand – even if you can but wonder about the context behind such an occurrence – but the rest of it just forms a meaningless pun which doesn’t even make sense (not least because the pane of a window would prevent someone from leaving through it).
9
French: “Chaussures Louboutin, elle est trop fière / Ses pieds la tuent – chaussure-icide misère.”
German: “Louboutin-Schuhe, bei ihr zuviel Stolz dort / Ihre Füße töten sie. Ich nenne es Schubstmord.”
Notes: Again, only a translator’s imagination free of constraint or conditions could ensure the provision of a French version with retained rhyme i.e. “shoe-icide misery” at the end. And in the German version, “Schubstmord” is a made-up portmanteau of “Schuhe” and “Selbstmord”.
8
French: “Tu as cassé mon cœur en une million de pieces, c’est compris / J’aurais dû le voir venir, j’aimerais avoir la télékinésie.”
German: “Du hast mein Herz in eine Million Stücke zerbrochen / Ich sollte es vorausgehen haben, ich möchte Telekinese bekommen.”
Notes: Again, no need to point out the factual inaccuracy i.e. in this case, I know that telekinesis is in fact NOT something that lets you see into the future. Also, again, yes, I improvised with the wording in order to maintain the rhyme, using one or two additional / modified expressions just not present in the original; but that’s adept translation work for you. Nothing about the content (or should that be the substance?) has been lost. Just trust me.
7
French: “Quand j’étais geisha, il était samurai / Je l’ai en quelque sorte compris quand il a parlé en la langue du thaï.”
German: “Als ich Geisha war, war er auch Samurai von Osten (Fakt) / Ich habe ihn irgendwie verstanden als er thailändisch gesprochen hat.”
Notes: I guess this goes to show that whatever your education or imagination capacity, there are some contexts that it’s just not possible to conclude or explain. I sure know that I can’t relate historical Japanese culture to modern hip-hop culture. If you can’t invoke any kind of rational reasoning in connection with someone’s statements, you can at least hope that they will eventually one day be understood in real terms – by themselves, if no-one else.
6
French: “N’ôt aucun temps pour de la parlote ; j’essaie de me procurer de cet argent / ‘Lors disparais, tu caca-tête sot, tu comprends ?”
German: “Hab’ keine Zeit für Geplauder, ich versuch’ dieses Geld zu machen / Also verschwinde doch, du mistliche Geistesschwache.”
Notes: Well, the “doo-doo head dummy” insult is certainly a difference from swearing-based insults which are certainly common in this kind of music; but what can I say (other than to suggest getting a native French / German speaker to review how I have translated this one if you have any doubts as to how well it was done)?
5
French: “Elle a une grande derrière, donc je l’appelle Grande Derrière.”
German: “Sie hat ein grosses Gesäß, also heisse ich sie Grosses Gesäß.”
Notes: What is there that anyone can point out about this one – never mind “say about it” – apart from its obvious complete lack of intellectual merit? But I translated it anyway.
4
French: “Je te permets de te sentir comme La Merde, mais yo, tu ne peux pas me surpéter.”
German: “Ich werd’ dich wie Die Scheisse dich fühlen lassen, aber du kannst mir sicher nicht überfurzen.”
Notes: In vulgar English, “feeling like the shit” is very different from “feeling like shit”. I would translate the latter as “sentir de la merde” in French and “wie Scheisse fühlen” in German, but in the sentences above, I just put my faith in capitalisation of the words “The” and “Shit” to convey a sense of the former – does it rub off as such with no explanation required, do you think? And like there’s really any set expression in foreign languages for “to out-fart someone”. And don’t think less of me for pointing this out – I didn’t write this stuff.
3
French: “Swag, swag, swag, swag, frangin / Brang-dang-dang ta petite amie.”
German: “Swag, swag, swag, swag, Brud’ / Brang-dang-dang deine Freundin.”
Notes: A classic case of what happens when you decide to compromise on sounding literate and when your ego matters more to you than self-awareness. Just pronounce “swag” and “brang-dang-dang” like you would in English in the new language. “Bruh” is a bastardised abbreviation of “brother”, in case you’re not aware; as for “Brang-dang-dang”: this is hardly an expression I use all the time either, but I can see for myself that it is used as a verb meaning something explicit and irreverent. And that really is all you need to know.
2
French: “Que quelqu’un le dise à elle / Son cul a une voix, et elle chante a capella.”
German: “Jemand sollte es ihr berichten / Ihrer Arsch hat eine Stimme, und sie kann a capella singen.”
Notes: He’s talking about her backside and talking about her singing… I think. Ultimately, your guess is as good as mine. I laugh at it rather than with it, and I don’t want to hate but it’s retarded; there’s no more appropriate word for it.
1
French: “Eau, incendie, air, saleté / Maudits aimants, ils marchent comment ? Expliquez ! / Et je ne veux parler à aucun scientiste / Tels connards me mentent et m’enquiquinent.”
German: “Wasser, Feuer, Luft und Erde / Wie wirken fickende Magneten? Bemerken! / Und ich will mit keinem Wissenschaftler schwatzen / Da sie lügen und mich stocksauer lassen.”
Notes: I didn’t even know ICP were classified as rappers – I have listened to some of their music. Actually, you know what? The author of this article is right; this song has no significance which indicates that it deserves credit; and I’m glad that this thing is finally over.