THIS BLOG’S FOR EVERYONE WHO SAYS MY FRENCH AND GERMAN ARE A BIT IFFY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE VERY GOOD REASONS FOR CLAIMING THAT THEY’RE GOOD / HIGH-LEVEL

This is not an easy thing for me to accept in my job: people telling me that the French and German that I use in my business marketing (specifically aimed at native speakers of those languages) is a bit iffy despite the fact that I speak these languages at degree level. Don’t get me wrong, though: while I am fluent in French and German, I’m sure I still say the odd expression in those languages which, while grammatically correct and all (at least in theory), would just strike native speakers as odd and awkward at first glance, and maybe it strains them just a little bit to follow it; but it’s not hard to see what I’m really implying in such an expression, and it should be evident from it that intelligence-related standards have not been compromised.

It’s just my natural idiolect in these foreign languages. I mean, I may not speak purely “French people’s French” or “German people’s German” but I insist that I speak… just good, fluent French and German. I mean, sometimes we just end up saying peculiar expressions in our own languages anyway, isn’t that right? Expressions which are quite confident and educated-sounding but maybe, just maybe, it’s still necessary for the listener to replay it in their heads once or twice to “get it” unaided. And it’s not like I’ve never EVER touched on “French people’s French” or “German people’s German” in actual practice. You see, I can still remember being taught various French expressions for “because” during my Year Abroad at the University of Poitiers when I was at university – it was accompanied by explanations of the proper contexts in which they are used. While “parce que” is the “standard”, all-purpose French expression for “because” I was taught at school, I had also heard of other ones a long time before I went to Poitiers. Well, apparently, according to a French university lecturer, in a French university, “car” is used ostensibly when you’re asserting or corroborating an argument on either side in an actual for / against debate, whereas “puisque” is supposed to carry an indication of “for we all know / everyone knows that…”. Like when people say “innit though?” And that’s just one example.

Whatever native French and German speakers say, I speak these languages well; I wrote this blog in defence of this claim.

You know, I haven’t forgotten this other blog I wrote on here (dated 2nd July 2013) about that boy in the Greenpeace advert who makes a speech in support of the charity Greenpeace in both English and French in separate videos – it’s the same boy. In this blog I wrote my own French version of the English version and invited people to compare it with the French version that Greenpeace actually posted to the public.

The exercise that I did as part of the writing of this blog is different. Rather than translate anything from English into French, I resolved to translate something from French into English – even though, technically speaking, there is what passes for an English translation already there; it’s just that the English version existed first and I have translated the French translation back into English (and if it might seem a bit literal in places… again, bear in mind that it was the English version that existed first). What I did: I dug up a duplicated video on Youtube of one of Pat Condell’s older videos – The Myth Of Islamophobia – one with French subtitles (click on the CC button to the right of the volume control to view them). It is these subtitles that I translated into English. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpjSiKsuKPE&index=16&list=PL8FF4F101A4455FA2 For this is true “French people’s French” – if there’s anything true about it that should be recognised, it’s that not only is it fully compliant with the rules of French grammar and syntax and whatnot; no-one could argue that it is in any way “literally” translated, not even slightly. Not least because, as these are French subtitles and they can be understood as a correct French translation which is a shorter version of what a French person might have originally put (on paper), but it’s no less eloquent… in truth, one could sensibly claim that it’s all the more eloquent given its reduced length, as I do. I find it impossible to believe that whoever wrote those French subtitles did not have French as their mother tongue; I really, really do.

So I translated the French subtitles of this video into English, as follows. Compare what follows with the English words that you actually hear Pat say; and try to understand how it is evidence of me pondering different idiolects at a very thorough and subtle level. Maybe, just maybe, with a bit more thought, I would actually have written it more like someone like Pat says it.

Title of the video: “Islamophobe, Shariaphobe and proud to be it [proud to be so] / Islamophobia and Muslims”

Translated subtitles: I receive loads of emails which say to me that I hate Muslims. Nothing is more false [or “more wrong” – OK, maybe that was a bit literally translated to be honest – certainly compared with “Nothing could be further from the truth”.] It’s as false as the official motive for the war in Iraq! That is to say, if it’s false… [I agree that I would never say that in English.] These emails illustrate (yet again) that we only see what we want to see, instead of seeing reality such as it is. And it’s that which makes the so-called Holy Scriptures so dangerous. Let it be very clear! As long as Muslims are content to perform their ritual prayers without impinging on the lives of others, Islam does not bother me. No religion which has the decency to leave people alone bothers me. The Islam that I rebel against is very different: this repressive, violent intolerant Islam [NB I translated “cet” literally as “this”, as if Pat were knowingly trying to draw attention to a particular kind of Islam which he seems to be suggesting that many people know about and which is prominent] which considers human rights an insult to God. This Islam that wants the death of homosexuals, those who commit adultery and anyone who allows themselves to have a private life. I don’t hate anyone. Hating is wretched; good only for yellow-bellies who swagger. When someone hates something, they are necessarily afraid of it; like a wimp. Additionally, we always attract what we dislike and what makes us afraid, because if one focuses too much on something, one will necessarily encounter it. Extremist Muslims hate America? America is concerning itself with them / their agenda! We Brits are afraid of intolerance? Guess what’s arriving our way… This week in Pakistan, people burned an effigy of the Queen in the street. Why? Because she knighted – and followed by what? [think of this as “and for what?”] – an author better known for the controversy he arouses than for his talents as a writer. He won’t necessarily have to walk around in armour, except maybe if he goes to Pakistan, where it’s officially considered an insult to Islam. What isn’t an insult to Islam in our day? I find it hard to take this story seriously. Indeed, Pakistan is a country whose attitude toward women is in itself a shame for humanity. The real insult to Islam is that, in Pakistan, a woman can be killed if she is “guilty” of having been raped. In Pakistan, being born a woman is the worst thing that can come your way [or rather: “happen to you.”]. In this country, every year, thousands of women are assassinated by their own family. Curiously, no-one feels offended, and no-one demands excuses. No response from the part of Muslims, just an incredible silence. The Human Rights League states the figure of 80% of women beaten regularly beaten by their husbands in Pakistan. [OK – just for the record, off the top, I personally would have translated “La ligue des droits de l’homme avance le chiffre de 80% de femmes battues régulièrement par leurs maris au Pakistan.” As “The Human Rights League states that the number of women in Pakistan who are regularly beaten by their husbands is 80%.” – revised: “The Human Rights League states that 80% of women in Pakistan are regularly beaten by their husbands.”] Please, show a bit of morality; stop saying that your culture is the only thing responsible! [Yet] it has to be said that it’s these people who accuse the British government of Islamophobia. In any case, this must hurt all these “blessed yes-men” [for lack of better expression, and yes, there is sarcasm intended] who govern us; those who have already made so many concessions to Islamists – going as far as legitimising groups of crazies such as the Muslim Council of Britain which has just issued a series of Islamic prescriptions to be imposed on all British schoolchildren. They appropriate official airs [i.e. “they make themselves look and sound official”] but they’re just a group of fanatics who want to transform Britain into an Islamist Republic. They will never admit it officially (no more than the British National Party will admit that they want to send the blacks back to their countries and gas all the Jews). But everyone knows that that is what their real objectives are. They love accusing us of being Islamophobes. A fine invention, this word; and what a lie! What is a phobia? A phobia is a fear with no reason attached to it. It is true that many people fear the growth of Islam. But what could be more normal? The facts are there: everywhere where Islam is imposed, repression rages, torture takes place, human rights disappear, and freedom of expression does not exist. And this famous Muslim Council of Britain wants nothing other than to make our country a Muslim country. And I would surely be arrested and tortured for having made this video. I am not particularly in favour of encouraging such a system. It’s not a phobia, it’s just a question of common sense. The real phobia is to be found in Islam itself, and in all religions. Because they all have unreasoned fear of rational thinking, which would sound the [death] knell of their deliriums. And that’s why religions like rationality as much as vampires like the sun. That’s where the real fear is, and that’s where the real hate is. Peace, especially to those who assert themselves as being of the religion of peace.