A STORY OF “GERMAN AUDIO” I WASTED TIME ON

Anyone who has played Tekken 4 should recognise this track https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgf37ERwQMI

Now, if you’re wondering why I would include a link to something like this in a business marketing blog – and I certainly wouldn’t blame you! – I was sure that the background voice you hear here is German, and I was intrigued; I wanted to know what it was. Intrigued as to what it was about this speech that was supposed to be in some way appealing (or, if you like, cool); intrigued as to what it really was and how it could be understood to have its place in the music track of a popular computer game.

It went as far as me trying to hire one of my own clients in Germany to provide me with an actual German transcription of what is said at 0:34-0:45 and 0:57-1:07. But this was not before I did my own guesswork of it all; provided below, with English translations. I wouldn’t be surprised if you found them obscure, but have faith and read them again and again until you get the gist. Of course, I fully expected it to be wrong, as proud as I was of it all; not unlike the time I hired a Welsh woman to translate an episode of Wil Cwac Cwac that was narrated in Welsh, which I don’t speak, into English for me and invite comparison of what she provided against my own guesswork of what the narrator was saying that I did beforehand. But I digress. This is my guesswork in THIS exercise:

0:34-0:45 Der Zeuge weiss oben was marschiert, so gut auf Erlassung, was war dies heute spezifiert? Eine Ohrenei wegt ohne Militär. Für es euch, ein Romeo nutzt es um sie zu trümmern.
“The witness above knows what is marching – so good at making people submit to it – what is it currently specified (known) as? A hearsay rumour [I (sort of) invented the word “Ohrenei” in the original, giving it that meaning] doesn’t need a military to spread. In your case, a [true] Romeo will make use of it to make them collapse.”

0:57-1:07 Sehr es sägt, es scheint es auszuwerfen, was haben die Täter diskutiert – schäden Täterchen! Nun schon, ein’ Mayan seither ungekuppelt – er guckt an wenn er tut es
souverän und denn denkt an es Zero.
“It saws [cuts] a great deal, it seems to be throwing it out. What have the culprits discussed – only to harm younger culprits!? Of course, since then, it has been enough to make a Mayan separate himself from it – he will look at it if he can “do it” sovereignly; even if he will endeavour never to think about it afterwards.”
NB: The “Zero” bit is of course supposed to represent the “never” factor; and yes, I (sort of) made the expression “und den denkt an as Zero” up, as opposed to it being an echo of some German speaker using such an expression which I actually heard at some point in my life.

To evaluate: let’s not forget that the appeal of the Tekken series all lies in thrill / hype moments of fighting (I’m sure anyone who has enjoyed watching Fight Club will be familiar with the concept) – and, by extension (let’s be honest), ideas of “heroism” associated with it (whether they are real or pretentious, and validated or reasonable or not). Having said that: maybe the Mayans were fierce and brave warriors but not bloodthirsty warmongers by any means, and “do it” in the quotes above should be interpreted as a euphemism for “destroying it”. That was my reasoning.

Of course, in reality, it counts for nothing, for I was told by my client in Germany that she couldn’t understand any of the dialogue (if that is really what it is) that you hear in this video.