I can only wonder how many websites there are that provide extensive lists of bad translations noted throughout reality purely as a source of amusement for strangers, all for free. That said, however, not all bad translations are equally “bad” – the true intended messages of some are easy to understand straight away, with no thought required, even if they are likely to be a whole lot more remembered for clumsy wording. As a professional translator, you can bet everything you own that I try to avoid this in my work, cognisant as I am with the fact that good translation is an art.

I can comfortably say that, today, what with the advent of the Internet and ever-increasing international co-existence, even kids soon develop an appreciation (however loose and unexplored) of how translation is definitely not just about “replacing words with words”. This includes acknowledgement of “common” spelling mistakes and grammatical errors such as incorrect conjugation of adjectives or verbs, or incorrect word order, depending on the language you’re dealing with; although that’s just scratching the surface. But, as I said, there is an art to it – and, when you think about it, why not argue that there is an art to writing “definitively bad yet easily understandable” translations as well?

This article is something of an anomaly: while I am a professional translator and as such a professional linguist, here I wanted to write a “definitively bad yet easily understandable” translation of something. To clarify, we’re talking about a translation of something from English to French, English being my mother tongue while French is not. It’s not enough for me to say that my French is “good”, even with all the evidence to support it; I have spent much time on the topic of how French natives actually use their language, not just French that is enough to qualify as correct in theory.

The material in question is offers of volunteer work at Salisbury Cathedral https://www.salisburycathedral.org.uk/more/support-and-volunteer/volunteer/

…and, bit by bit, I wrote a “good” French translation of it together with a “bad” one, with all due explanatory comments I could think of.

Volunteer with us

Good French translation: Soyez volontaire avec nous

Bad French translation: Faire le volontaire avec nous

Using an infinitive in the bad translation

Join our team

Good French translation: Joignez notre équipe

Bad French translation: Joigner notre équipe

Again, using an infinitive in the bad translation

You can come and be part of an amazing team that is integral to the smooth functioning of the Cathedral.

Good French translation: Vous pouvez devenir partie d’une équipe incroyable qui est partie intégrante du bon fonctionnement de la Cathédrale.

Bad French translation: Vous pouvez venir et être partie d’une équipe stupéfiant qui est intégrale pour le fonctionnement lis de la Cathédrale.

I know that “stupéfiant” should have an E on the end. Improper conjugation – that was a deliberate error. And “stupefying team”? Here I looked up “amazing” in isolation and chose this word (Google Translate). Notice how I shortened it at the beginning. “Lis” is probably also wrong.

Whether you enjoy discussing the history of Salisbury Cathedral with visitors, are a budding flower-arranger, or fancy yourself as a Holy Duster, we have a role for you!

Good French translation: Si vous voudriez plus discuter l’histoire de la Cathédrale de Salisbury avec nos visiteurs, ou si vous seriez un(e) arrangeur/-euse de fleurs habile, ou si vous vous considéreriez une personne prête à faire du Saupoudrage Sainte, nous avons un rôle pour vous !

Bad French translation: Si vous aimez discuter l’histoire de la Cathédrale de Salisbury avec des visiteurs, ou si vous êtes un arrangeur de fleurs bourgeonnant, ou si vous avez envie pour vous-même comme Poussieur Saint, nous avons un rôle pour vous!

I used conditionals in the good translation, as well as “nos visiteurs” (“our visitors”). And “Holy Duster” was treated differently, but I can imagine the kind of work that that kind of role entails. “Plus” is also part of these verbs. “Budding” in the original is probably a subtle double entendre – what do flowers do? Just the masculine for flower arranger in the bad translation. It’s the same with “Holy Duster”, “Poussieur” being a made-up word, and I think that is where the spirit of this exercise is most evident (so far). No space between the final letter of the final word and the exclamation mark in the bad translation. My favourite bit was “si vous avez envie pour vous-même comme Poussieur Saint”.

Good French translation: Nos groupes de volontaires principales incluent : Personnes de Saupoudrage Saint et Nettoyeurs/Nettoyeuses de Tombes ; Guides Touristiques de l’Étage de la Cathédrale ; Administrateurs/trices et Serveurs/euses ; Assistant(e)s de Café du Dimanche ; Assistant(e)s Pastoraux Laïcs ; Assistant(e)s d’Éducation ; Guides Touristiques du Tour ; Assistant(e)s de Bibliothèque ; Arrangeur/-euse de Fleurs ; Assistant(e)s de Magasin ; Brodeurs/euses ; Équipe de Guérison ; Intendant(e)s ; Aumôniers/ières ; Jardiniers/ières

Bad French translation: Nos majeurs groupes de volontaires incluent: Poussieurs Saints et Nettoyeurs de Tombe; Guides Touristiques de Sol de Cathédrale; Administrateurs et Serveurs, Assistants pour Café de Dimanche; Assistants Pastoraux Laïcs; Assistants d’Éducation; Guides Touristiques du Tour; Assistants de Bibliothèque; Arrangeurs de Fleurs; Assistants de Magasin; Brodeurs; Guérison-Équipe; Intendants; Aumôniers; Jardiniers

Plural of “tomb” in the good translation but not the bad one. Like with exclamation marks, spaces before colons and semi-colons only in the good translation. I didn’t know “administrant” was a word, but “administrateur” seems as good a French translation as any. And I put “Serveurs/euses” for “Servers” even though I’d normally use this word as a translation of “waiter”, which is probably what was meant anyway (at least partially), although “servant” is also a common valid English translation of this word. In the bad translation, I get it that the first bit comes with a missing E on what should be “majeures” and I wouldn’t call that fully correct word order. Again, it’s “Poussieur Saint” rather than “Personne de Saupoudrage Saint” in the bad translation, as if these persons are the “holy” ones! With “Sol de Cathédrale”: how can cathedrals actually have more than one floor, while it is only to be assumed that its single floor is where all the “action” happens? Besides, “sol” could probably be taken as grounds – the outside area as well as the inside bit. Then we have “du” vs “de” dimanche. And it’s hard to write anything other than e.g. “Assistants d’Éducation” for “Education Assistants”. Do we really want “Arrangeur de Fleurs” like flower arrangers are usually men rather than women? It’s easy for me to think of flower arranging as done mostly by women rather than men (just saying; although it was an art practiced by the samurai). Even if it’s a de facto rule to use the masculine form as the standard, at least in my experience. It’s the same for “Brodeurs”. I thought of using “traiter” for “heal” (having looked up that word in isolation on Google Translate) but then decided against it if it can be “process” (so it might be taken as handling administrative processes or something).

There is a wide range of interesting opportunities available as long as you can agree to a regular commitment.

Good French translation: Il y a une gamme large d’opportunités intéressantes disponibles, tant que vous pouvez agréer à un engagement régulier.

Bad French translation: Il y a une large gamme d’opportunités intéressantes là, si long que vous pouvez agréer à un engagement régulier.

“Là” was a good bit in the bad translation, and “si long que” does exist in French even though I wouldn’t use that as my first option (so it was in the good translation).

You get full training when you join our volunteer community.

Good French translation: Vous recevrez un entraînement complet quand vous joignez notre communauté de volontaires.

Bad French translation: Vous recevrez entraînement complet quand vous joignez notre communauté de volontaires.

I deliberately left out the indefinite article with “entraînement complet”.

You’d be joining an award winning team too – in 2016, our volunteers were awarded the highest accolade; the Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service!

Good French translation: Vous deviendriez partie d’une équipe qui a gagné un prix, aussi – en 2016, nos volontaires ont reçu la plus haute distinction : le Prix de la Reine pour des Services Volontaires !

Bad French translation: Vous joigneriez une équipe de gagneuse de prix aussi – en 2016, nos volontaires ont été donné la plus haute distinction: le Prix de la Reine pour Service Volontaire!

In the case of the good translation here, I just found that “become part of the team” sounded better (dare I say it? – more professional) than “join the team”, and using the word “receive” rather than “award” when explaining the link between the volunteers and the prize. Also, in the good translation, I decided it was best to use “Services Volontaires” (plural rather than singular) since I was referring to a collective whole of all kinds of services.

To apply, please fill out and return the two forms at the bottom of this page – we’d love to hear from you!

Good French translation: Pour appliquer, SVP remplissez et envoyez-nous les deux formulaires au bas de cette page – nous aimerions bien entendre de vous !

Bad French translation: À appliquer, SVP remplir et retourner les deux formulaires au bas de cette page – nous aimerions bien à entendre de vous!

Literally translated infinitives with “à” in the bad translation, along with “envoyez-vous” rather than “return” translated literally in the good translation. And those two verbs are infinitives in the bad translation, not commands – do you agree that infinitives sound “less forceful”? More like a guidance suggestion.

Children and Young People Outreach

Good French translation: Cherche pour des Enfants et des Personnes Jeunes

Bad French translation: Cherche pour Enfants et Personnes Jeunes

The “de”s are removed in the bad translation. Although, removing “pour” would probably be passable in the good one.

We are looking for Volunteers to join our Children and Young People Outreach Team at Salisbury Cathedral. This is an exciting project supporting children and young people from the community.

Good French translation: Nous cherchons des Volontaires qui sont prêts à joigner notre Équipe de Cherche pour des Enfants et des Personnes Jeunes à la Cathédrale de Salisbury. C’est un projet passionnant qui soutient des enfants et des personnes jeunes de la communauté.

Bad French translation: Nous cherchons des Volontaires à joigner notre Équipe pour Chercher des Enfants et Personnes Jeunes à la Cathédrale de Salisbury. C’est un projet excitant soutenant des enfants et personnes jeunes de la communauté.

In the bad translation, no “des” before “personnes jeunes”. And in the first sentence I was critical of just putting “à joigner” for “to join” in the good translation. And “soutenant”. “Excitant” can mean “exciting” but I’ve been told that it normally means “arousing” in practice.

Our aim is to work with children and young people in a way that meets and develops their personal, spiritual and social needs, exercising appropriate pastoral care.

Good French translation: Notre but est de travailler avec des enfants et des personnes jeunes en une façon qui se préoccupe de leurs besoins personnels, spirituels et sociaux, avec l’exercice de soins pastoraux appropriés.

Bad French translation: Notre but est à travailler avec des enfants et personnes jeunes en une façon qui touche sur et développe leurs besoins personnels, spirituels et sociaux, exercisant un souci pastoral approprié.

Again, literal translation of an infinitive with “à travailler” in the bad translation and just “et personnes jeunes”, and “exercisant” and a different word from “soins” for (pastoral) care.

Ideally you will have some experience of working with children and young people and a connection to the faith sector. The role will be subject to DBS check.

Good French translation: Idéalement, vous aurez des expériences de travail avec des enfants et des personnes jeunes et un lien avec le secteur de la religion. Le rôle demandera une vérification contre des dossiers de police.

Bad French translation: Idéalement vous aurez d’expérience de travail avec des enfants et personnes jeunes et une connexion au secteur de la foi. Le rôle sera sujet à une vérification de police.

No comma after the first word in the bad translation, plus “des enfants et personnes jeunes”, as well as “d’expérience de travail” (singular rather than plural). “Foi” in the bad translation can mean “faith” in the sense of religion but it’s not always used that way. “Une vérification de police” would strike me as handled clumsily compared to what it is in the good translation.

Please contact Pete Atkinson, Minor Canon for Young People on p.atkinson@salcath.co.uk for more information.

Good French translation: SVP contacter Pete Atkinson, Canon Mineur pour les Jeunes, sur p.atkinson@salcath.co.uk pour plus d’information.

Bad French translation: SVP contactez Pete Atkinson, Canon Mineur des Jeunes, par p.atkinson@salcath.co.uk pour plus d’information.

In bad translation: “Canon Mineur des Jeunes” and “par” used with the email address rather than “pour”.

Volunteer Application Forms

Good French translation: Formulaires d’Application pour Travail à Base Volontaire

Bad French translation: Formulaires d’Application de Volontaires

I’m proud of “à Base Volontaire” in the good translation, and “d’Application de Volontaires” in the bad one is another thing I would quickly regard as something that has been clumsily handled – which was, of course, the idea in this project.

A PROFESSIONAL TRANSLATOR ATTEMPTS A “BAD” TRANSLATION!