Contrived Translations

CONTRIVED TRANSLATIONS OF IMPROPER ENGLISH

What is this? It’s a blog in which I provide my own equivalents of certain improper English phrases in French and German.
Let me make this clear: in a few of my past blogs I have hinted at how to translate “I should of” into French, this being “Je de dû”; this was invented by me. And now, let me show you all the rest:
“I could of” = “Je de pu”
“I would of” = “J’aurai’de”
“I will of” = “J’aur’de”

And in German:
“I should of done that” = “Ich sollte das gemacht von” [“von” in place of “haben”]
“I could of done that” = “Ich könnte das gemacht von” [again, “von” in place of “haben”]
“I would of done that” = “Ich hätte das gemacht von”
“I will of done that” = “Ich werde das gemacht von” [again, “von” in place of “haben”]

But I wanted to write this blog as a prelude to another blog: my longest blog ever (by far) in which I translate several bad rap lyrics. For the sake of that, I now provide here the French and German equivalents of “ain’t” that I invented:

FRENCH

PRESENT / PERFECT
Avoir
I ain’t got a job = Je n’ôt pas de boulot

Etre
They ain’t stupid = Ils n’ôt pas stupides

Perfect tense
He ain’t found her = Il ne l’ôt pas trouvée

SUBJUNCTIVE CONJUGATIONS
PRESENT TENSE SUBJUNCTIVE
I’d prefer that I ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais que j’ousse pas le cancer
I’d prefer that you [tu] ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais que tu ousses pas le cancer
I’d prefer that he/she ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais qu’il/elle oût pas le cancer
I’d prefer that we ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais que nous oussions pas le cancer
I’d prefer that you [vous] ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais que vous oussiez pas le cancer
I’d prefer that they ain’t got cancer = J’aimerais qu’ils/elles oussent pas le cancer

PERFECT TENSE SUBJUNCTIVE
In such a situation, I’d prefer that I ain’t drunk too much = En une telle situation, j’aimerais que j’ousse pas trop bu etc.

PLUPERFECT TENSE SUBJUNCTIVE
I was sad that I ain’t [i.e. hadn’t] succeeded = J’étais triste que j’ouasse pas réussi
I was sad that you [tu] ain’t succeeded = J’étais triste que tu ouasses pas réussi
I was sad that he/she ain’t succeeded = J’étais triste qu’il/elle ouât pas réussi
I was sad that we ain’t succeeded = J’étais triste que nous ouassions pas réussi
I was sad that you [vous] ain’t succeeded = J’étais triste que vous ouassiez pas réussi
I was sad that they ain’t succeeded = J’étais triste qu’ils/elles ouassent pas réussi

PAST HISTORIC
I ain’t see(n) it = Je l’ûs pas vu
You [tu] ain’t see(n) it = Tu l’ûs pas vu
He/she ain’t see(n) it = Je l’ût pas vu
We ain’t see(n) it = Nous l’ûmes pas vu
You [vous] ain’t see(n) it = Vous l’ûtes pas vu
They ain’t see(n) it = Ils/elles l’urent pas vu

And here is the German version of “ain’t”: it is “sikt”, which is essentially a semi-literate portmanteau of “sein” and “nicht”; not that I have overlooked the fact that “ain’t” also stands for the verb “to have” in English as well as “to be”.

PRESENT TENSE
Haben
I ain’t got a hat = Ich sikt einen Hut

Sein
I ain’t stupid [sic] = Ich sikt doof

PERFECT TENSE
I ain’t seen him = Ich sikt ihn gesehen

SUBJUNCTIVE FORMS
PRESENT TENSE
Haben
She said he ain’t got a cat = Sie sagte, er sike eine Katze
Sein
She said he ain’t a father = Sie sagte, er sike kein Vater

PERFECT TENSE
She said she ain’t seen him = Sie sagte, sie sike ihn gesehen