OTHER CULTURES WHICH ACTUALLY UNITE PEOPLE AND SUSTAIN SOCIAL COHESION (OR MANNERS OVER IDENTITY POSTURING)

Anyone who has travelled a lot will most likely concur that differing culture in different countries can and does encompass differing attitudes toward “manners” (whether ostensibly good ones or ostensibly bad ones), reinforced by commonly held ideas about proper etiquette. For example, as odd as it may seem, slurping is considered polite in Japan (and look at their reputation for being polite!)… they regard it as a sign that you enjoy the food. Also, you might be surprised to find out that in Ethiopia, it’s pretty common to feed other people with your hands, so much so that it’s actually considered a sign of good hospitality. Then there’s tipping (in restaurants), which is pretty much always immediately labelled either as a token of gratitude or as a patronising gesture.

It may seem like a redundant statement, but I think we’re all in favour of promoting good manners over bad ones – after all, maybe you’ve heard of the saying “manners maketh man”? If I may side-track for a moment: suppose that, in a contradiction to the idea of swearing bans, everyone in a given social group agreed to regard it as customary to use such words as much as possible for reasons best known to themselves? All immature amusement aside, I just don’t believe that it actually would last for long.

That said: if you agree, as I do, that good manners are indeed important, are a vital ingredient for harmonious and civil co-existence, then there’s every chance that you’re willing to elaborate on the subject (if only you could), maybe specifically so that those “less aware” may come to understand what they fail to grasp about it. After all, in a nutshell, it would hardly be an exaggeration to say that good manners aren’t just limited to overt goodwill gestures that are very unlikely to missed, whether by the recipient or anyone else; things like bowing or holding a door open for someone. The individual’s attitude toward others plays a social role which is often sorely overlooked. This can only go hand in hand with the concept of defining “good manners” as (quite simply) genuinely decent and considerate behaviours – not just “proper” ones that only exist out of a personal attachment to tradition which can only be every bit as transient as the people who foster it. Even if there are certain things which are considered acceptable in some places / among certain groups but rude in other places / among other groups, or certain things which are definitely considered ostensibly rude in some places / among certain groups but not so much in other places / among other groups, whoever could imagine an individual episode of a certain act (or absence of a certain act, depending on the circumstances) being performed by someone who fully and earnestly expected it to be regarded as a polite act by recipient person A but as a rude act by recipient person B?

Still, as harsh as it may seem, there are very good reasons for considering local culture when you do travel, lest you cause embarrassment or offence while not necessarily realising it. What defines “culture” in actual practice, anyway (beyond its plain and boring dictionary definition)? People are often attached to their local culture, being proud of it and for a very good reason: you could say that it’s one of the very things which makes them human. And to insult (discredit) a culture is to attack its values, which can (certainly not always; I want to emphasise that) have a negative impact on one’s self-worth. Which can quickly make them angry, of course. Couple this with the fact that it certainly doesn’t always cost anything to honour a culture worth the name; and of course there are plenty of times where people feel upright just for making a point of remembering certain aspects of their culture (and not necessarily openly). So if a person agrees that their culture deserves respect out of an impression that it has united, rather than separated, people in some way… well, what is the worst that could happen if the culture in question included no recognised elements of an appreciable form of good manners and etiquette for the purpose of basically ensuring social solidarity over resentment? Trust me, this question has a lot of weight…

It’s a tough lesson to learn that “meaning well” (in the crudest sense of the term) can count for nothing if you are lacking in social awareness – or, as the case may be, self-awareness! – not least because it encourages the attachment of stigma to the term “stupid”. Even the Mafia, for all their faults, have some distinct standards when it comes to respect and dignity, as this newspaper article reflects: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-492449/Police-discover-Mafias-Ten-Commandments-arresting-Godfather.html So it all amounts to the question of how well you can account for your own unsolicited understanding (preferably without blushing) – the kind which strictly falls under the banner of responsibility – and often that of other people as well.

But I’m supposed to be conflating the subject of manners with the subject of foreign languages and cultures. You know that the standard French expression for “please” is “S’il vous plaît”, right? If you only know basic French you will probably need it to be explained to you that that translates into English more literally as “if it pleases you” – even though it has always been used in situations when the question of whether or not it “pleases” the other person is just out of the question. Also, in Spanish the standard expression for “please” is “por favor”, which immediately makes me think “for a favour”; even though, in practice at least i.e. to my sensibilities with the English language (as a native speaker, no less), when you “do someone a favour”, a “favour” is hardly a big deal. I’m not saying that Spanish people don’t say “por favor” when asking someone to “do them a favour”, but I am saying that they also use “por favor” in a request for something important! Meanwhile, German has two common phrases for sorry: “Es tut mir Leid”, which translates literally as “It pains me”, which seems as good an explanation of the concept of an apology as any; and “Entschuldigung” – “Schuld” can mean liability (which is not far from blame / guilt / fault, for all three of those words are also valid English translations of it), and having clarified that I will mention that “Entschuldigung” is often accepted as an abbreviation of “Ich bitte Ihnen um Entschuldigung”, which translates pretty much as “I plead that you may relieve [me] of liability / guilt [here]” – it passes for an acknowledgement that one has done wrong and that they feel bad about it. Of course, while we’re on the subject of manners in direct interaction between people of different cultures: I may be a professional linguist but it’s not just limited to verbal statements. For example, shaking hands is usually accepted as a polite gesture; everyone knows that. But don’t offer someone in an Arab country your left hand, since they consider it “unclean” – look it up and see for yourself. Another example here is that Arabs get shocked if you show them the bottom of your shoe. Well, OK: I can accept that the bottom of a shoe which is commonly worn, usually is dirty to very dirty and might be enough to cause disgust.

At the end of the day, I wanted to discuss attitudes toward manners and etiquette among people from other countries at least a little bit in this blog. That said, I didn’t want to just provide a list of verifiable examples like that was enough to make an actual point in this regard. I have actually argued before (in my blog dated 24th March 2017) that, to get a sound idea about someone else’s manners (with an “s” on the end), consider conflating the ideas you get inspecting them with the ideas you get inspecting their manner (with no “s” on the end) i.e. their demeanour. And don’t make the mistake of mislabelling “by-existence” as “co-existence”, as I used to do. But I don’t want to make people more susceptible to being flustered should they get confused about another person’s position or opinions on any given subject or situation. We all make mistakes. But just look at today’s “progressive” culture, with its preoccupation with personal “safe spaces” – whatever its history, is often criticised for compelling people to censor themselves for fear of causing offence even if it’s over something petty or less than sensible; which explains why modern “feminism” is, regrettably, highly discredited and ridiculed.

With that point made, I will end this blog by saying this: if you’re thinking of travelling to a foreign country, go for it! And when you meet new people there for the first time, take the time to ask yourself what people who are not as intelligent as they think they are, and people who are more intelligent than they realise, would agree about them – but never forget that the thing about someone that is the least believable thing about them, can be the most important thing!