Having fun with translation

HAVING A LANGUAGE LAUGH (FEATURING GRAMMARLY)

One thing I regularly see online adverts for is an app called Grammarly, which is essentially an English correction / perfection tool for use in writing; and I am quite happy to write about Grammarly in my capacity as a professional linguist. https://app.grammarly.com/?network=g&utm_source=google&matchtype=e&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3JXtBRC8ARIsAEBHg4nsaQ7aZc9yCwPP9m__kT5acXIUt4igD0OaVW_2Z2ioSrO499ZTfjEaAmM2EALw_wcB&placement=&q=brand&utm_content=76996511046&utm_campaign=brand_f1&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=grammarly To their credit, it’s not just another automated tool that corrects typos and common, easy-to-understand things like that. For example, it makes better suggestions for sentences which, while grammatically correct, are overly wordy. But you will have to download it to know full details of everything that it offers – their word will count more than mine (and it’s free).

That said, though, I must admit that all this time I have never bothered to download it for my own use, as I felt it was unnecessary and superfluous in my case. But I still deem it worthy enough of my attention to write about it in my business marketing blogs. Anyway, moving onto this “language laugh” business:

Below is the unedited text of a Nigerian scam email I received – these are notorious for being written in comically poor English (not least with regard to whom they claim to be from):

CENTRAL BANK REMITTANCE UNIT,
CADASTRAL ZONE, ABUJA,
FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY,
MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/013,Swift Code:
BPH KPL PK,A/C#3296
FOREIGN REMITTANCEOur Ref: CBN/IRD/CBX/021/11
INSTRUCTION / WARNING FROM CENTRAL BANK.

YOUR FUND APPROVED PAYMENT OF $10.5 000.000.00 MILLION TEN.FIVE
MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS THROUGH ATM CARD

Attention: Beneficiary,

I am Dr.Godwin Emefiele,The CEO of Central Bank of Nigeria CBN I am
contacting you today to alert you of a notification which will be a
great help to you,I am the new director of fund approved payment
department here in CBN and I saw a file last week in your name with
all your information from our central computer stating that abandoned
fund worth of $10.5.000.000.00 MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE
DOLLARS ONLY belongs to you,Please;I want to know from you the reason
why you abandoned such big fund here in our bank for long up til this
moment without any claim by you.

I hereby officially notifying you about the present arrangement to pay
you as i have been appointed and directed to take in-charge of your
fund payment here in my department,This arrangement was
initiated/constituted by the World Bank and the International Monetary
Fund IMF during the board meeting due to fraudulent and scam
activities going on within the African Region,I officially contacted
you today because your Inheritance Funds was Re-deposited into the
“Federal Suspense Account” of CBN last week because you did not
proceed with your Claim as the rightful beneficiary which is well
known to the board and management team of Central Bank of Nigeria CBN

I am now in charge of your fund payment in my department here in
Central Bank of Nigeria CBN and like i stated in my mail that your
name appear in our Central Computer here as a beneficiary who have not
receive his contract payment for long,Be informed that your fund of
$10.5.000.000.00 MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY
been approved by the IMF and the federal government for payment and we
have decided to convert your fund into an ATM CARD which we will send
to you in your country for the withdraw of your fund in any ATM
machine in your country to make it easy for your payment in other to
avoid much expenses in receiving your fund and we have made every
arrangement regarding your payment through ATM Card since last week
Due to the instruction given to us for your immediate payment.

Dear beneficiary,I therefore to inform you that we have approved an
ATM CARD on your behalf which we will send to you for the withdraw of
your fund and we have converted your total fund of $10.5.000.000.00
MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY into Your ATM Card
which is with me right now in my department,your ATM CARD worth the
sum of $10.5.000.000.00 MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS
ONLY has been ready for the delivery to your home,Take note,Your ATM
CARD Pin number is 2126.

You are hereby to quickly respond back to my department today and
provide or reconfirm to me your personal information once again where
you base right now and your home address where you desire to receive
your ATM CARD to avoid mistake during the delivery for us to quickly
submit your ATM CARD together with your current residential address
for the delivery to your Home in other for you to receive it and start
making a withdraw of your fund in any ATM machine in your country,This
is the conclusion and agreement of your fund payment here in our bank.
The information required from you for the delivery of your ATM CARD is
such as below.

Your Full Name:…………………..
Your Country And Location:………………… ….
Current Home Address:…………………. …
Private Telephone Number:……………
A Copy Of Your Id Card:……..
Occupation:………………. ….
Age/Sex:………………..

Kindly provide the following information and respond back to my
department today as I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as
possible with the required information for the proceed and delivery of
your ATM CARD to your country where you desire to receive it.

Best Regards Mr.Godwin Emefiele,
E_mail Contacted immediately: cnigeriafundtransfer@gmail.com
Executive Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria
Telephone: +2347061573846

My question is: could I run a text with English this wonky through Grammarly and still see it fail to correct mistakes (i.e. mistakes it just overlooked)? Only one way to found out. And that is what I did; it said the following:

“BPH KPL PK,A/C#3296”
“Consider adding a space (‘,A’)”
Probably not an error as such, but then again, I’m sure most people would have used a full stop, not a comma. I know I would have.

“I am Dr.Godwin Emefiele,The CEO”
“Consider adding a space (‘Emefiele,The’)”
This kind of thing is depressingly (or should that be hilariously?) common in emails like this. As it is, Grammarly didn’t even point out that there should be a space between “Dr.” and “Godwin”. You couldn’t make it up.

“great help to you,I am”
“Consider adding a space (‘you,I’)”
Obviously.

“I am the new director of fund approved payment department”
“Consider adding an article” (with the word “department”)
Of course, but although it was quick to suggest “the department”, the article should go not before the word “department”.

“you,Please;I”
“Consider adding a space”
…on two occasions. Again, obviously. By the way, I will no longer be addressing every specific occasion where there is no space after a comma or a full stop. It will be the same old story.

“up til this moment”
“Consider adding an article”
What? No. “Up til this a moment” is not grammatical. Come to think of it, “til” isn’t even a word; it should be “until”. Although, I did Google it and the Merriam-Webster dictionary would have you believe that “’til” is acceptable. But “’till”? A till is either a cash register or “boulder clay or other sediment deposited by melting glaciers or ice sheets”.

“as i have been appointed”
“The pronoun ‘I’ should always be capitalised.”
Of course it should, but this was clearly written by someone who “should of” spent less time playing truant from school. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this mistake is repeated, and again, I don’t care to address every further specific case where this happens.

“I am now in charge of your fund payment in my department here in Central Bank of Nigeria CBN”
“The word here in seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it. [i.e. herein]”
Well, no, Grammarly is wrong here. And yet, ironically enough, it didn’t suggest adding a definite article between “in” and “Central Bank of Nigeria”. Also, I thought straight away that “in charge of your fund payment” would have been better written “in charge of the payment of your fund”. Anyway, moving on…

“that your name appear in our Central Computer”
Grammar correction: “The verb ‘appear’ does not seem to agree with the subject name. Consider changing the verb form.”
Another obvious mistake. Like Grammarly says, it should be “appears”, but you hardly need to be a professional linguist like me to have caught that one.

“a beneficiary who have not receive his contract payment for long,Be informed”
Grammar correction: “The verb ‘have’ does not seem to agree with the subject name. Consider changing the verb form.”
OK, Grammarly helpfully points out that “have” should be “has”, and that there should be a space between “long,” and “be”; but it also failed to point out that “receive” should be “received” in the past tense. And while “for long” is actually a used adverbial clause in English, it is not used in reference to something that has happened in the past. In this case, it should have been “for a long time.” But then Grammarly is not translation software.

“and the federal government for payment and we have decided”
Here Grammarly said “It appears you have used the subject pronoun ‘we’ in an objective position. Consider changing it.” It suggested that “we” be changed to “us”. Well, no – no-one says “us [at least on its own] have decided” and everyone knows it; but to be fair, maybe only Grammarly arrived at this conclusion due to the alignment of the text, such as I judged it after I had fed it into it. But I’m sure “Federal” should begin with a capital letter.

“for the withdraw of your fund in any ATM machine in your country”
Grammar correction: “the noun phrase ‘machine’ seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider using an article.”
A false alarm error alert, but again, it probably had something to do with the alignment of the text. For the record, I was perspicacious enough to note that, here, “ATM” was the last word in one line and the following word “machine” the first word in the next. And Grammarly never touched on “withdraw” – it should be “withdrawal”.

“in other to avoid much expenses”
Grammar correction: “it appears that the quantifier ‘much’ does not fit with the countable noun ‘expenses’. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.”
Although Grammarly makes a valid point here, it suggested that “much” be changed to “many”, which wouldn’t work. “Great” or “high” expenses would work far better. And Grammarly never touched on “other” – it should be “order”.

“Due to the instruction given to us for your immediate payment.”
Grammar correction: “The past participle verb ‘given’ has been used without an auxiliary verb. Consider adding one or using the past simple instead.”
The suggested correction here was “is given”, which I have to say doesn’t work. I could only conclude that the software was confused as a result of a new line starting with “Due” where it should not have begun with a capital letter since it followed on from the words just before it (check the original). I’m not judging Grammarly on this, but I will mention that this is a fine example point as to the substance of this blog.

“Dear beneficiary,I therefore to inform you that”
The lack of a space after the comma aside, Grammarly suggested “It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter ‘therefore’. Consider adding the commas.”
Right – it’s not like I don’t see what Grammarly is getting at here. I wouldn’t have added a comma after “therefore” in this case myself, but let’s be fair: Grammarly only suggested that I consider adding such a comma.

“your ATM CARD worth the sum of”
“The noun phrase ‘sum’ seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.”
…Except that there is already an article there! As bad as the English in this email is, Grammarly is not actually correcting anything on this occasion. I gather that this was because the word “the” was the final word in one line and the word “sum” was the first word in the line that followed it. Is this how Grammarly works? Does it really only read one line at a time? Or maybe the person who wrote this email actually thought that, to start a new line when writing an email, you have to press return – this is what I meant by the “alignment” problems I discussed earlier. It wouldn’t surprise me. This email is a blatant scam attempt, which only reveals that they are just bloody thick. Let’s move on…

“Your ATM CARD”
At this point Grammarly suggested that an article be added before the word “CARD” – curious that it recognised “CARD” as the word “card” rather than an acronym – like the expression “ATM” that immediately preceded it. But then, I was paying enough attention to realise that, again, “ATM” was the final word in one line and “CARD” the first word in a completely new line. You can hardly rely on software to explain its own mistakes; that’s all I’m saying. By the way, there shouldn’t be a capital with the word “your” where it says “into Your ATM Card.” As for the word “card”, maybe – but I have also seen “ATM CARD” written entirely in capitals.

“Pin number”
Grammarly underlined this as well – in blue rather than red – telling me that “Pin number creates a tautology”.
Of course, while “pin” is a word in English, “Pin” as an acronym should be all in capitals. Anyway, Google defines “tautology” as “the saying of the same thing twice over in different words, generally considered to be a fault of style (e.g. they arrived one after the other in succession).” I couldn’t have put it better myself, but I still didn’t need such an explanation to remind me that the n in “PIN” means “number” – “Personal Identification Number”. So when you write the acronym “PIN” in this context, the word “number” is already there. (You would think that someone with such a senior position in the banking sector would know that LOL.)

“You are hereby to quickly respond back to my department today”
Another moment where Grammarly points out a tautology, with “respond back”. To be fair, this is far from the worst example of screwy English I’ve seen, certainly compared to things like “I should of”, or the use of “your” when it should be “you’re” (or the other way round – yes, I have actually seen this!), or a lack of an apostrophe when writing “ill” as an abbreviation of “I will” (and yes, of course it should be a capital I). I will be honest: even I wouldn’t have picked out “respond back” as “bad” English by definition.

“your personal information once again where you base right now”
Grammar correction: “It appears that the personal pronoun ‘you’ should be in the possessive form. Consider changing it.” i.e. “you” > “your”.
Oh dear… for all Grammarly’s merits, it wasn’t hard for me to determine that “where you base right now” should be “where you’re based right now.” I have already mentioned how I have determined that it seems that the author of the email ended every line by pressing return (in this case, “where” is the last word of one line and the following “you” the first word of the next). The false correction output “your” in this case (as I already discussed before) shows that you should never place blind trust in software, but then, to be fair, Grammarly merely suggests that certain things be changed.

Later on, in the same paragraph as the thing above was found in, I saw “ATM machine” (when everyone knows that the m in “ATM” means machine; hence a case of tautology, like “Pin number” above) along with another careless case of no space after a comma, which really shouldn’t be too hard to identify but I will do it here anyway: “country,This”.

After this I see a few instances of being invited to “replace punctuation” with nothing but full stops following full stops (in the lines “Your Country and Location” and “Occupation”), a repeated instance of “respond back”, followed by these things:

“to my department today”
Grammar correction: “The noun phrase department seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article. (i.e. “the department”)”
No, I won’t. Thanks for the advice but “my the department” is obviously not proper English. To clarify: the word “my” was the final word of one line and the word that followed it, “department” the first word of the next; note the echoes of what I brought up earlier.

“for the proceed and delivery”
Grammar correction: “The word ‘proceed’ doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.” (i.e. “proceed” > “procedure”)
Sometimes even I get taken aback in matters on the subject of the English language – I did a bit of research and, according to Google, “proceed” is not used as a noun, unlike “procedure”. It took me a bit of time to realise that “proceed” should be “processing”.

I don’t agree that Grammarly caught everything, i.e.
“MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/013,Swift Code:” missing space after a comma (even if this is not a consistent mistake here)
“FOREIGN REMITTANCEOur Ref: CBN/IRD/CBX/021/11”: somehow Grammarly failed to catch the missing space after the word “remittance”.
“YOUR FUND APPROVED PAYMENT OF $10.5 000.000.00 MILLION TEN.FIVE
MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS”: NB Quite apart from the fact the number should feature commas rather than full stops, with the number ten and a half million there are only five zeros following the 5, not six. And “MILLION” should be after “TEN”, not before. Some banker you turned out to be, mate.
“The CEO of Central Bank of Nigeria”: surely there should be a definite article before “Central”?
“stating that abandoned fund worth of $10.5.000.000.00 MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY belongs to you.”: poor writing which Grammarly never caught. An ideal correction in my eyes would be “stating that there is an abandoned fun worth […] which belongs to you.” “Worth of” doesn’t work.
“why you abandoned such big fund here in our bank for long”: this comes before “up til this moment”, which is commented on above. There’s no indefinite article before the word “big”, nor a “so” before “long”.
“I hereby officially notifying you”: this is not how you write the present perfect in English!
“and directed to take in-charge of your fund payment here in my department,”: this is the sort of thing I hoped this exercise would cover in particular; I just couldn’t have been sure whether a computer program would pick up obviously defective English like this. Also, Grammarly fails to note an absence of a space after the comma at the end, even if it notes absences of spaces elsewhere. Don’t ask me why.
“within the African Region,I officially contacted”: another absent space after a comma.
“because your Inheritance Funds was Re-deposited into the “Federal Suspense Account” of CBN last week because you did not proceed with your Claim as the rightful beneficiary which is well known to the board and management team of Central Bank of Nigeria CBN”: I see multiple capital letters where they don’t belong (and it happens later on as well, but I won’t bother to point out each individual such case since it’s self-explanatory anyway), and “funds was” is not grammatically correct, either. Another missing definite article before “Central” – this same mistake occurs later on as well and I will no longer be making mention of every single time when it does. (And “Federal Suspense Account” made me grin.)
“that your fund of $10.5.000.000.00 MILLION TEN FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY been approved by the IMF”: a missing “have”.
“to avoid mistake”: the plural “mistakes” could have worked, but not the singular.
“to quickly submit your ATM CARD”: for the purist. They would write “to submit quickly” – they would never split infinitives.
Shouldn’t “ID Card” be “ID Card”?
Why have I read “E_mail” with an underscore rather than a hyphen? And it’s followed by “Contacted immediately”, which doesn’t make sense in this context, but I can understand Grammarly not being programmed to catch absolutely everything.