Much as I have been urged not to use Google Translate in my line of work as a professional
translator, sometimes in my work I still chuck bits of sentences through it when I really do have
a very solid idea of what is meant but I would still appreciate a bit of suggestion as to how to
put it coherently (generally, in a natural and reader-friendly kind of way). I won’t lie: I agree
that it’s truly impressive what Google Translate is capable of today, and I’m not just saying that
because, at the time of me writing this, it can translate to and from even more languages than
I’ve known it capable of managing in the past. True, I invite anyone to go onto Google
Translate today just to see how many languages it offers which they may never have even heard
of (Lingala, anyone? Chichewa? Igbo? Krio? Sepedi?), including seeing for themselves scripts
which the software is familiar with but they are not. But you have to consider its true capacity
for getting translation right when – as Malinda Kathleen Reese (of all people!) will tell you (in
her YouTube video “My real thoughts on translation”) – Google Translate works by making
decisions based on countless samples of material already posted online. And the proof is in the
pudding.
https://twitter.com/TrailTranslator/status/1410906515301703682 This is a business-related
tweet I posted months back which just might be enough to get some people out there interested
in studying how Google Translate works in terms of its algorithms and all that. I put the
sentence “Can you keep this secret?” into Google Translate to translate it into French and
German (the two languages I am fluent in besides my mother tongue, English, and which I
translate from in my career as a professional translator); for both French and German, I saw that
the word “secret” was treated as a noun.
French: Pouvez-vous garder ce secret ?
German: Kannst du dieses Geheimnis bewahren?
Yes, I acknowledge that it’s the formal “you” in the French version and the informal “you”
(singular, anyway) in the German version. That is irrelevant in terms of how the word “secret”
should be categorised – but not as far as the topic of this article is concerned.
Fair enough. But this was but a question of how a single word i.e. “secret” would be taken, and,
in this sense at least, one could legitimately argue, part of the topic of how Google Translate
treats language on a purely grammatical level…
What follows is a joke – one which I appreciate is likely to offend and/or upset, but it is what it
is. It’s a one-liner:
Since my dog died I have become an amateur undertaker.
Having stated that, let me ask you: how “should” the “since” bit be interpreted, so to speak?
This is a question of nuances/semantics, in relation to machine translation in particular. When
you think about it: well, yes, of course it would make perfect sense taken in the chronological
sense i.e. “ever since” – “something that has happened [ever] since my dog died is that I have
become an amateur undertaker [without wanting to put too fine a point on it]”. But I’m also
fascinated – am I using that term correctly? – by the idea that one could also argue that it would

make sense taken in the causal sense i.e. “Because my dog died [under circumstances not
specified – again, without wanting to put too fine a point on it, of course], I have become an
amateur undertaker”. And why not, when “I”, the murderer, would definitely want to consider
covering “my” tracks? After all, a murder isn’t a small crime.
Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand. The title basically hints at the topic of how Google
Translate works (or rather, the mysteries thereof), and the question of what could be discovered
when studying it (in ways defined or undefined). So I had Google Translate translate “Since my
dog died I have become an amateur undertaker” into French and German, and got the
following:
French: Depuis que mon chien est mort je suis devenu croque-mort amateur.
So it took the word “since” in the chronological sense in this case.
German: Seit mein Hund gestorben ist, bin ich Amateurbestatter geworden.
So here the word “since” was taken in the chronological sense for German as well.
It’s fine. It’s just that, as a professional translator, I pride myself on being imaginative when it
comes to words and verbal expression in particular. A case in point: I have already pondered
the question of whether “I became” or “I would become” would pass for a more appropriate
grammatical form with the verb “become” when telling this joke. At a glance: I believe that,
when someone reads this joke for the very first time, the “I have become” bit will most likely
have them initially latch onto the idea of the incident happening recently; while “I became”
would have someone initially latch onto the idea that it happened a bit farther back (just that no-
one really gives it any thought because this is, obviously, not about an actual murder).
Meanwhile, “I would become” would certainly seem quite fitting, too – in particular, that is, if
the murderer has literally just killed their dog under circumstances where it was not
premeditated, and is likely “right now” in the process of burying them one way or another while
keeping it under wraps like Peter Tobin. So I’ll end this by stating what Google Translate gives
for the French and German translations of the “I became” and “I would become” versions,
inviting comparison of them with the “I have become” version:
Since my dog died I became an amateur undertaker
French: Depuis que mon chien est mort je suis devenu croque-mort amateur.
German: Seit mein Hund gestorben ist, bin ich Amateurbestatter geworden.
So, with “I became” it’s exactly the same for both French and German. What about the “I have
become” version?
Since my dog died I would become an amateur undertaker
French: Depuis que mon chien est mort je deviendrais croque-mort amateur.
German: Da mein Hund starb, würde ich ein Amateur-Bestatter werden.
Some differences with both the French and German versions here. Especially in the German
one, with “Seit” replaced with “Da” – although, in my eyes, at least, it reads like “Since my dog
died, I would become an amateur undertaker” i.e. “now, at some point maybe; all as a result of
my dog having died”, which just sounds bizarre.

All responses welcome.