Just something I’m wondering about subtitles…

For this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBBB-vJZB50 I wrote alternative wording for the start of this speech – or (depending on your point of view) the subtitles for it – during the period 3:58-5:33. I tried to vary it as much as I could (without it losing coherence) – not just replacing individual words with synonyms but trying whole different sentence structures (without, in the case of big sentences requiring more than one subtitle, relocating the early content elements right at the end and vice versa) – but the meaning has not been corrupted in any way. This is what I did:

Dear brothers and sisters, I was named after the inspiring figure known as Malalai of Maiwand, who was like the Joan of Arc of the Pashtun community. Malala is a term meaning “afflicted with grief” or “sad”, but in order that it might have some happy connotations, my grandfather habitually referred to me as Malala “The world’s happiest girl”. In the present moment, you will find me very happy, for we have united in the pursuit of an important cause. This is not just my own reward. It is for forsaken children longing for education. It is for children who live in fear, longing for peace. It is for children without a voice, longing for change. As I stand before you now, I represent their rights; I want to raise their voice. Let’s start to offer them more than pity. This is a call for action, so that we will see an end to the days of children offered no education.

(Personal opinion: I’m proud of “Let’s start to offer them more than pity” in particular.)

It is of course essential that the meaning remain consistent – just like in translation, which is what I do for a living. But when you have been invited to listen to the words she’s speaking and also to read written wording that is purposely different in the subtitles… which do you focus more on? Maybe I should have found a video in which the speech is quicker, but then again, aren’t most videos containing subtitles ones where the language of the subtitles is different from the spoken language? What do fully experienced subtitlers, who actually have a comprehensive knowledge of the rules of subtitling, think?

There’s a joke that reads as follows:

In a lesson on English grammar, the teacher wrote the words “a woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate it. The men wrote “A woman, without her man, is nothing”. The women wrote “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

A bit awkward if you’re not writing or speaking, but trying to communicate in Morse code or semaphore, wouldn’t you say?